When I was a kid, I really had no confidence in myself. I suppose not much has changed. I still feel unworthy and not good enough every single day.
I used to joke that when I grew up, I wanted a house without wheels. Yes, I grew up in a mobile home. And I was embarrassed. I used to hide from any cars that passed by my house just in case it was someone from school, and they found out where I lived. I actually write this, feeling embarrassed and ashamed that I would do this. I didn’t see how fortunate I was to have a house. A clean house, where my mom took care in where we lived. A paid off house, that my dad worked so hard for. And that should have been good enough for me. I’m not proud of feeling like that. I hope I am a better person now.
And my house now in Italy should be good enough for me too. And it is. Although it needs so much work, I’ll never, ever act ashamed of where I live again. No matter where that is.
A house without wheels was what I wanted when I was a kid. I felt like if I had the things others did that I would feel good enough. Little did I know that self worth comes from inside. Self worth is one of the most important things you can have. It doesn’t depend on things. It depends on you. It depends on if you try your best to be a good person. It depends on what you put first every day. It depends on everything except what you have.
I am grateful for where we are now. I am grateful for this experience and even for the every day hardships. Because just like that beautiful mobile home symbolized family, my home now does too. And I’m…home.
Rachael
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