The Hearts

The day after my dog Brickle died here at our house in Italy, I started seeing hearts. Leaves shaped like hearts. Rocks shaped like hearts. I was reminded of how much my love for him, and his love for me, was never ending.

At first, I wasn’t comforted by the hearts though. The pain was, and still is, so intense from his absence. I didn’t want to see the hearts, but they kept appearing. Every single day. And a day has not went by that I haven’t seen a heart. You’re my heart, Brickle. I feel you here. This is your house. And I’m reminded everyday that we have no choice but to rescue this forgotten house in Italy. It’s our duty and our thanks to you for getting us here. It’s your legacy.

Sometimes, the daily life here at Under The Crow is almost getting me. Today, we walked miles to class and carried groceries for miles too. It was hard. But when we finally got up the path, and I saw our house, Brickle’s house, I felt better. As hard as it is up here too!

The first thing I see when we get home is Brickle’s leash hanging on the tree limb. Where I took it off of him for the last time. And there it will remain. Just like his inspiration to me every day.

At Under The Crow, we may just have hot water tomorrow. And I’m excited about that. No. The plumbing is temporary and a hose has to come inside for now, but hey. It’s progress. Every day, if I live to see the next one, I have an opportunity to find another heart. Another sign that I can do this. Because some days, I do want to quit. Last night, the mosquitos almost got me. This camping mattress is about ready to quit under the weight of our exhaustion. When I wake up in the middle of the night, yes. Sometimes I cry! I admit it! I miss a bed. But I miss Brickle most of all. I sleep on the spot he took his last breath. And until I take mine, I won’t give up. Here’s to more hearts.

-Rachael

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