I haven’t had an easy couple of days. I struggle with clinical depression. Sometimes medicine helps. Sometimes it does not. Sometimes walking until my legs give out helps. Sometimes it does not. The last couple of days have been debilitating. But I’ve pushed thru. I’ve more than pushed thru. I’ve done my best. It’s not good enough for my overdue bills. Or the house crumbling around me. But it’s good enough for me. Because I’m still here. And I’m trying to positively think that if I keep working as hard as I can physically and intellectually, it will pay off. Positive thinking is all I can do right now. And that’s good enough for me.
Next week, we have our Italian language test. And in order to pass, we’ve been literally cramming our brains full of information. I am so frustrated with myself that I just can’t get it. That I can’t learn as fast as I used to. Going to class takes almost two hours to even get there. And then two to three hours there, three times a week. Working on the house has also been more than necessary for our survival. Yet, neither have we been able to devote to 100%. That’s hasn’t been good enough for me. And I’ve struggled with exhaustion most days.
We won’t even know if we have passed the test for about 2-3 months. And we need to pass to get our long term visa. And we can’t stay in Italy past October. Our tourist visa has run out. Nothing worked out timing wise on getting here except for getting that free flight and getting Brickle here. And we did that. And that’s good enough for me too. We will deal with this.
We are having an issue with lost hikers and also wild boars. Our next project for this coming week is getting a gate. No. It won’t keep out the wild boars from every direction. But we need at least a stopping point and security cameras too for when we have to leave here for a couple months. I don’t want to leave. At all. And I suppose that’s bothering us too. Because as hard as daily life is here, it’s home. And that’s good enough for me.
-Rachael
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